the ones who judge don't matter, the ones who matter don't judge

=/
I'm starting to be a little paranoid.

Got an internship for the month but I'm worried that my resume makes me seem a lot more impressive than I really am FML.

three's a crowd

Happy New Year everyone!

2010 has been off to a very bumpy start, but I'm hoping it will all only go uphill from here (:

Currently down with a temperature and a horrigible throbbing at the back of my head omg. So will leave the long reflective "how was 2009" post for another day.

Take care (:

seems like everywhere I go, the more I see the less I know (:

(:
HELLO!

Some early wishes for all you wonderful people:

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010 is so going to kick 2009's ass (:


LOVES HUGS KISSES x!

the one with the rockstar vocalist

Woohooooooooo (;
HELLOO!

Just took a shower so I no longer smell like ciggy smoke wheee! Was at...Library @ Cineleisure (I think that's what it's called) haha for "Got Talent Or Not". Ruth and her friends from the awesome band called DECIMAL performed.....aaaaand DUM DUM DUM, they made it into the semi-finals WOOHOOOO!

I'm in an awfully good mood after all the performances just now man. Don't know why (: (: (:
Okay I lie! REVELATION: Guys in bands are HOT HOT HOTTT! :D :D :D

fireflies - owl city

Wow.
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME SONG!!

I can't embed though ): so click HERE for the youtube link (:


You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems

Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance

A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell

But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

gotta live like we're dying

I love Twitter! (;

Following quite a few interesting people on top of friends of course. Here's one tweet rampage by KayKay which made me literally LOL!

"Really dislike guys who r unwilling to part w their money when they can well afford it. Guys cannot be like tt la omg. Gonna instill this in my sons next time. Pay for the girls dammit. Chivalry is deader than MJ. It's just money omg. U can jolly well earn it back when we r giving birth n on maternity leave!!

I spent all this money n time on hair n make-up to look good dangling off your arm. Pls la, not asking for hundreds or thousands leh. Sometimes girls just wanna feel appreciated n special. Guys being miserly just show us how much they think we're not worth it. If I wanted to go dutch or pay for a guy, I'll eat w my brothers thanks.

This doesn't apply to guy friends. Only guys who ask u out on dates. At least offer la! I'm super zi dong one, I will def offer too! Grossest is when the bill for say $50 comes, n he takes out $20 n looks at u expectantly. WTF man. U wanna wash plates ah? I'm cool if he takes out $30 bucks. Or at least half la! $20 is like pls go fuck yourself."

HAHAHAHA wth man her expressions damn funny I like!

not like everything I do depends on you

=S
Hello world!

Easing up a little on the antisocialism starting today!

Found out that there are only so many episodes of Gossip Girl and Big Bang Theory and Glee and CSI and 90210 and So You Think You Can Dance and Wipeout and Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader and countless computer games one can take before totally losing it.

I'm halfway there eeek.

Time to head out! (:

cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out I just didn't know what to do

Blah.
Considering the number of mistakes I've made up until now, I'm fairly certain that I was due for a bout of really really bad karma all along. Even though they were made out of sheer ignorance and stupidity, those mistakes were and still are...inexcusable.

I admit too that there are people whom I've hurt (some more than others), and for that I am truly sorry. Even if I never had the chance to apologize. Maybe because I realized it too late and it just wasn't relevant anymore. Or maybe in some cases because I still don't know what the hell was/is going on.
It's just that...it's been awhile now. I think I've paid my dues.
When is it going to get better?
Ah emotions, thou art a bitch.

I just haven't met you yet

.
Went to the hospital today to get my foot checked out.

It's been hurting for a few months now and lately it's been getting worse. Anyhows, the doctor decided to cut it open and stuff fml. It's damn painful. Still stings hours later ): ):

But on the bright side, at least now I have a valid reason for hibernating at home (:

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone, thinking of you till it hurts

(:
Next year I'll be in my second year of uni.

That scares me. Alot.

Only two years away from working and having to fend for myself. Provided I don't choose the easy way out and study forever lols (: (:

Now listening to "Late Night Love Songs" on red.fm btw haha. It doesn't seem to be helping this morose mood I'm in. Speaking of which, I've been highly antisocial lately. Don't feel like meeting people or going out or anything.

Which is really unlike me (the shopping part I mean :D).

I guess I've just been doing alot of thinking.


I think I think too much you know (:

I think and I think and I think until sometimes I lose track of what it was I started out thinking about in the first place (:

Thinking sometimes makes me happy, but more often than not it just makes me sad. But it does have its perks. For one, I've found out I need to stop living in the past *guilty heh*. Cause by the time I appreciate the present, it's already in the past. If that even makes sense at all (:

So yea I've been thinking. And reminiscing. And listening to soppy love songs that make me sappy (sad+happy). Yes must also stop self-sabotaging lol (;


Anyways, remember when I said I was running?

Well since then I've tried to stop, but I am a creature of habit ): ): And because change and everything that comes with it...troubles me, I took the easy way out again. Pushed everything away into a little box in the back of my mind and convinced myself that other stuff needed greater attention.

But now it's the holidays and I can't persuade myself to think only about studying or flare or friendship drama or even about how cute that CS guy who smiled at me was :D :D :D

I've run out of things to occupy myself with. And so I've been forced to think. And to try to make sense of everything that I've been feeling. I've been trying for days now especially to make sense of things that went wrong: relationships that ended, friendships that derailed somewhere along the line and how everything is somehow my fault and how I could have avoided making the mistakes I made had I seen the signs earlier. If I'd said the right words or did the right things, I could have all the things I yearn for now that time and time again I've lost ):

But I know, what ifs don't work.

NOTHING WORKS RAWR.


Is it only me who does this???

Getting SO frustrated when I can't make sense of something I'm feeling I mean. I sometimes hate this part of me. This part which always has to analyse EVERY SINGLE THING. This part that won't let it go. I'll let it smoulder until I lose interest one day and it burns out. Or my brain explodes lols. I often wish I didn't feel at all haha. Yes I know some people have problems feeling, but on the other end of the spectrum there are people who feel...too much (:

Haven't wrote like this in a loooong time. Long and draggy but it was a relief letting it all out. Even if it didn't make much sense. According to a friend, my posts...require alot of thinking HAHAHAH. Yea I'm a fan of the mysterious cryptic messages *smiles coyly from behind non-existent superior eyelashes lol* (: Or maybe I've let myself be hurt so many times I have trouble letting anyone in.

Still so many thoughts swimming about but it's late, and typing more won't make this post any more coherent haha. Sleep beckons. And my parents' constant "STILL HAVEN'T SLEEP AH WAITING FOR SKY TO DROP??"

Which would be the least of my troubles hoho. Yea okay self-absorbed rant done. Nite all, play nice (:

there's a time and place for everything

(:

I've been back home for a week now!

And going to FINALLY learn how to drive hahah. Attending the highway code course thing tomorrow. Thank god shen will be there to accompany me during the 7 hour boredom that is sure to ensue omg.

And I have a new malaysian number!

Email me or something for deets ok! Mwah mwah lazy to put up pictures or anything. Take care! (: (:

it ends right now

(:

It's time I stayed strong, for me.

flare dance ensemble - maelstrom

(:

Hello here are overdue pictures from production!

NOTE: All of them stolen from various talented photogs around me (Nicole, Bernard, Joe) plus albums on Facebook heeheehee.

Speaking of which, there should be a law BANNING spoilers from being revealed on FB status updates lol. Found out the winner of ANTM and I'm damn annoyed right now =.=

Anyways, back to Flare...

Serious listening-to-briefing faces

First person to correctly spot and identify me wins.....my admiration (cheong 2009) :D


Warm up!


The REAL secret behind every dancer :D

Backstage antics:

sha!

michelle yeo!

beerueh!

peiqi! (:



12th October 1927

Time. It was only today did it dawn upon me that I was no longer in control of my actions. I had become a puppet of my own shadows that alone seemed more powerful than thy actual self. They follow me. I awake every morning with deep dread, feeling my insides intoxicated with the poison and the guilt I had brought upon myself. With every ticking of the clock I get more out of control, with every moment haunting me to revive horrors of the past. I have tried time and again to revive my soul, but no. Time is of the essence, and I’ve wasted every minute from the moment all this began. It is too late...

Click HERE for the video!

And now pics from some of the other pieces:

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***

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Finale!

With Time's choreographer, Sher (in the middle!)

Time girls (:

Because a polaroid paints a thousand words (:

PS I'm very grateful to have had a choreographer who gave me the chance to be in her piece (thank you sher!) and the friend who started it all and made sure I saw it through (THANK YOU MICHELE!). And of course my dancer friends who continue to inspire (: (:

Love you guys see ya next year I hope!

you and me could write a bad romance

(:

Today was a very productive day!

In terms of shopping and talk-talking to the girls before we all start leaving for home. I'll be back by the weekend. Can't wait...but at the same time I'm gonna miss the lifestyle here ):

Anyways my blog is apparently very emo lately/all the time so here's a bright happy picture post to compensate! These were taken months ago by izzie, nicole and wenting at Tulip Fest btw.

It was miserable when we first arrived cause it started to rain ): But then it stopped and we sloshed about in the mud taking pictures. Was fun although everyone's shoes were wrecked by the end of the day.

Branded like cows - property of the Singaporean Student Society :D

Girls in...Turkish costume I think.

Flowers, flowers and more flowers!

Love the sky in this one!

Horsies that can take you around the farm!

(:

Going to miss all the crazy Melbourne people and their antics for sure. See you guys next year!! (or back home if you're cool like me and stay in Malaysia heeheehee :D)

someday we'll know why samson loved delilah

.

I've been loving you too long to stop now ):

Makes Me Think - MMT

(:

Say hello to my new favourite website Makes Me Think. Some which really MMT:

#1 Today I went out to lunch with my dad and he wanted to stop by the grocery store afterwards to get my mum flowers. "Why now?" I asked. "Why not now? If not now, then when?" he replied. MMT.

#2 Today I got on a bus with my grandfather. It was full with only one seat left. I told my grandfather to take it, which he refused to do, insisting I take it. After a bit I gave in and took the seat. In jest, I said, "Your legs are older than mine!" "Yes," he said, "But yours have further to go." MMT.

#3 Today I volunteered at a marathon that raises money for cancer. It was raining and cold and I just wanted to leave. Two seconds later, a lady with no hair and an oxygen mask got out of her wheelchair to walk the last steps of the race. MMT.

#4 Today my best friend of 6 years was put in the hospital for attempting suicide. She's always listened to my stupid, petty problems and asked me how I was feeling. But I never ever asked her how she was feeling because she always seemed so happy. MMT.

#5 Today my good friend, a paraplegic with cerebral palsy, informed me that he wanted to ask a very beautiful girl to home coming. I thought he was crazy. She said yes. MMT.

#6 Today I was looking through the Facebook remembrance group of two people from my high school that died. The girl was sweet, smart, quiet and unpopular. She was killed by a drunk driver. The guy was inconsiderate, rude and popular. He was the drunk driver. His group has 602 members. Hers has 48. MMT.

#7 Today I lost my mum to cancer. My whole life I wanted to build an empire of wealth. And now that I'm relatively wealthy, all I want is my mum back. MMT.

#8 Today at the age of 22, I found out that because of cervical complications I'll never be able to have children. For as long as I remember, I didn't ever want kids. But now I cry every time I see a diaper commercial because I never knew I wouldn't have a choice. MMT.

#9 Today as soon as my five-year-old baby brother came into my room, I yelled at him to get out without even looking up. When he didn't listen and I turned around to yell again, I noticed he had a bowl of cherries (my favourite) in his hands. He said, "Sorry, I just wanted to share these with you." MMT.

#10 Today I was talking with a close friend about how my dad is an alcoholic and shows up to my concerts drunk and how it irritates me. My friend's response, "Yes, your dad needs some help. But my dad is totally sober, and has still never once gone to any of my soccer games." MMT.

***

So many things I take for granted, but I realize family support is right up there on that list. As far as I can remember, both my parents have made it to EVERY single prize-giving day (in primary school) and skating competition and what not over the years and I've never thanked them for it.

I guess I just sort of thought it was the norm.

Although looking back on it now, I realize that not everyone's parent was present, and most certainly not both at the same time. So thank you mummy and daddy for always being there. I love you (: (:

Haha and my dad makes it a habit to "keep me posted" on details about my brother's skating competitions. He's currently competing in Skate Hong Kong and yesterday my dad texted me this:
Gareth just finished his footwork. I think he was ok.

Today he texted me this:
Gareth just finished his solo comp. I think he was ok.

No bets on what his next text is going to be :D

to hell with economics

):

It sucks.

No actually just the exams suck. And I'm supposed to be doing it for another two years (cue quarter-life crisis wtf). Sigh ok heat is STILL killing me and I'm falling asleep in front of my computer. Bye.

I know you don't think that I am trying, I know you're wearing thin down to the core

): ): ):

I've been running.

No aim, no destination. Just as long as it got me away from everything.

I've been running for so long I've forgotten what it's like to sit down and face my thoughts head on. I've been so preoccupied with leaving everything behind I didn't realize that at one point I would have to stop. And now that I have, it doesn't matter how fast I was or how far I got because everything's caught up with me.

Now I can't run anymore.

I can't run, and I can't walk. It's all I can do right now just to stop from staying here and not moving at all.

this fairytale ending

(:

HAPPY ONE-YEAR ANNIVESARY FAIRY AND MRSNIFFLES! (:

I'm so happy for you guys + wish you all the best :DDD

Love, WILLS

meet me halfway, right at the borderline

(:

Happy first of November everybody!

In an annoyingly (for you, not me :D) good mood cause one, got my sleeping times back to somewhat normal. Slept at midnight and woke up at 9am! The last time that happened was.....never lol. And two, had loads of fun for Halloween at Se7en! Haha introducing the awesome characters from the night:

ryan the gladiator, weelim the someone-from-a-Shakespeare play, wenting the french maid, policewoman :D, nicole the vampiress, izzie the snow princess, michele the fairy!

sha the grecian princess + jiahlit the geelong footie player :D

shen the schoolgirl/gossip girl's nellie yuki!! (;

THIS PIC FREAKS ME OUT wth.

eric the ringleader and the vampiress sharing blood eeeeee.

albie the (convicted) construction worker + liz the pirate :DD

sher the ladybug :D

And yea the others didn't really dress up rawrrr. But it was legendary :D seriously. Definitely worthy of a last-night-of-fun-before-exams thing. Okay more pics before I head off to the library to mug (oh joy)!

My handcuffs broke ): halfway through the night from...excessive use by others hahah. Ok bye! Mwah (: